A Chat With the Bathroom Mirror

Me: Why good morning you curmudgeonly sot you.

Myself: What the fuck is supposed to be so good about morning you fuck?

Me: It is good because the day is young and full of potential.

Myself: Potential for you to screw your life up even more than you already have.

Me: Maybe things will change today, maybe I'll start moving in the right direction.

Myself (scoffing): That's hilarious, like you would ever allow yourself to do that?

Me: Why do you always have to talk to me like that?

Myself: Because you deserve it moron, everything you touch turns to shit.

Me: That's not true asshole!

I: Oh boy, you're doing it again. Talking to yourself is one thing but arguing with yourself, you may as well call the men in the white coats right now and book your trip to the puzzle factory. Look on the bright side, at least their will be jello.

Myself: Shut the fuck up pussy!

Me: Okay seriously calm down, why do you keep doing this?

Myself: I already said why, stop making me repeat myself.

Me: Why do I deserve this? Why can't I just lie to myself like everyone else? They seem happy, it can't be such a bad way to exist.

Myself: And what, ignore the truth? That you are a waste, a massively underachieving lost cause?

Me: I am not a lost cause!! It's just my cause that has been lost to me.

I: For almost thirty one years?

Me: Yes....Thirty one years fuck face, thanks for the reminder. I cant help that I have spent my first three decades here in a labyrinthine forest of doubt, fear, hopelessness, delusional contentment, gloom and doom.

I: And  you weren't able to help that?

Myself: Of course not, look at you, your a self made mess!

Me: Wrong, to make implies action to be taken, something I have never found the will to do. I have never failed, because I have never tried.

I: Sorry to pile on, but that seems worse old bean.

Me: Yes....it does.....thank you for that.

Myself: I am so glad your gonna try now, your fire and determination will only serve to make your inevitable failure that much more spectacular to watch unfold.
You deserve such a fall, you are a narcissistic, manipulative and arrogant waste of what could have been a meaningful human being at one point.
The only thing you have succeeded in is letting down every single person who has ever come to believe in you and your meaningless rhetoric.
I cannot wait until you fail, because rest assured, I will be here waiting pal, I'm your bitter friend to the bitter end.

I: Okay, this albatross must be dealt with, something has got to give here. Do it now, if you don't do it, i will.

Me: Okay.

Myself: Hey what are you doing with........

The mirror shatters, claret and glass sprinkle the floor, the wretched and awful golem exists within me no more.

The demise of this toxic self has purpose, because it allows the new self to come to light. This is the self that will matter, this is the self that will answer the countless calls, this is the self I have known was there, lying dormant, all along.

And with that having taken place, only one task, one that entails many steps and actions remains.....

RISE