Why I Should Never Have Super Powers

I guess everyone thinks about what kind of super power they would want, should they somehow contract them. I mean, really who doesn't like the idea and the possible convenience in life that having any given superhuman ability would present?

If you eliminate the whole embarrassing "running around in tights and underwear" aspect of super heroism, I think the aspiration would be appealing even to the "serious and dignified" people who claim they are too adult to even daydream about the possibility.

But this possibility poses a series of questions that one must consider.

1.What kind of ability would I want?

So very many to consider, especially if you think practically and try to pinpoint the one that would best suit you. Surely a person who is deathly afraid of heights would not welcome the ability to fly, what good is soaring above the clouds if you need a change of underwear at thirty thousand feet?

How about a sadomasochist who is suddenly indestructible and invulnerable to any kind of pain, think he would appreciate that gift?

Say you're just a lazy couch potato, what good does superhuman speed do when all you do is online shop, work from home and your only trips are to and from the fridge?

Would these people change or would they simply have "super ticks" now that undermine their ideal lifestyles?

2. Do I want to help people or just myself?

In the great big gray area that is modern reality, saying someone was a "hero" or a "villain" is obviously far too black and white for most people to accept, even if they are granted the powers of a supreme being, they would still think like the schmucky, self centered human that they are.

Chances are, the guy given psychic abilities would use it to win in his stupid fucking fantasy football league, the lady who can turn invisible would use it to spy on her friends to see what they say behind her back and chode with super human strength would make a point of humiliating the muscle head who used to make him feel so inadequate down at his local gym.
 I do think most would use their gifts to assist others, when it would be convenient for them, but I don't see anyone giving the police commissioner or the mayor their number.

3. Would I still abide by the law and adhere to the social rules of society?

Given that my generation, and a couple before mine even, already think that they are special and that the rules and laws of society apply to everyone but them, I would say that actually becoming "special" would be all the excuse they needed to behave as self servingly as possible and simply obey the laws and rules that they feel like obeying in a given moment. 

Mind you, I would be no better, in fact I would probably be worse than most if I were given the ability to exist completely on my own terms. 

Say, for example, I was given the powers of the incredible hulk, do you have any idea how vastly I would misuse such an ability?

"Hey buddy, are you sure you want that last slice of pizza? 

I mean, I sure would hate to turn into a giant indestructible green man who will destroy everything around us just because I didn't get that last slice of pizza, wouldn't you?"

I would use the world as my playground, uncaring of what I would do to it, like an infantile deity.

All things human would cease to be relevant to me, outside of my own personal circles of course.
 I would simply be aching for someone to piss me off so that I could completely ruin them.

I would be pettier than I ever was in human form, I would become detached from the human condition and I would destroy EVERYTHING at my whim.

 I would take the powers of a god and somehow become something less than human, probably just like you would.

I have no doubt that is essentially how I would behave, this is why none of us have super powers.

Well, that and the whole pesky "they don't really exist" aspect of the discussion, but where is the fun in exploring that point?