The Patient Specter

I feel that I must preface today's words by telling you that I do not expect everybody to read what lies farther down your screen and believe it to be the truth.
Those of you who know me, will be learning something new about your old pal today, something only one person is aware of in its complete detail.
I understand if you think me insane, but know that I tell you no lies here.
Believe or don't, I hold nothing against you either way.


Extrasensory Perception, an unproven, pseudo scientific term that conjures images into ones head of oddly voiced, scarf wearing, beady eyed women surrounded by five thousand candles or worse, John Edward.
Yes the exaggeration is laughable, which is the point of an exaggeration, it is used in order to downplay the true nature of something when we find said something to be too unpleasant or unfathomable to take seriously.
I am here to tell you fine folks today that I was given this odd sensibility from the time I was a child, and while horror movies of the past thirty years have completely skewed the reality of your average encounter with most entities and energies that are all around us, I do have my share of upsetting encounters.


 My sense was likely nurtured and sharpened by the spirit that resided within the walls of my childhood home. The soul of a young teenager named Robbie who I later learned took his own life in the home in 1974, was the furthest thing from harmful, he simply wanted to communicate.
He would always make his presence known in slight and subtle ways in order to simply say "Hello", he never disrupted the household, he never made my family feel unwelcome and I'm sure he treats the family that lives there now the exact same way. Truth be told, compared to the entities I have encountered since, I miss him.


Before I get to that, let me elaborate on the extent of my senses.
I very rarely see anything materialize, but I can hear almost everything they want me to hear and I can detect an energy from what feels likes miles away.
I only need step into ones front yard to be able to tell if something resides in the home.
I can also sense the energy for it's true nature, be it benevolent or malicious, a strong enough signal will absolutely keep me from setting a single foot inside of any given home.
I have my own malevolent energies that haunt me, I need not court others.


This brings me to the reason I write this, this brings me to the patient specter.
From the age of Fifteen, in the wake of a very traumatic event in my life, I have been followed by something I can not properly explain to you.
A being that may have never lived nor died, a being that simply exists in a realm we are blinded from.
Early on, I attempted to communicate with it and failed many times over, I tried protecting myself from the entity, warding it away through  desperate dabblings in the various "dark arts", but what it wants and what it is seems to transcend both words and preventive wardings.


The being has never entered any domain I have called home since arriving, it....he simply waits outside.
Never attacking me physically, never uttering a single communication, never taking whatever it is it may want.
On occasion he will intrude on my dreamscapes, butchering the ones I love, making them betray me unceremoniously, torturing me or simply acting as my own personal boogeyman whom I will never escape.
His hauntings of my subconscious have affected me in awful ways, breeding paranoia and distrust of my loved ones and making me seem unhinged or delirious, which I am in those moments.


But this is all he does, toy with me and await outside.
In the more restless nights where sleep avoids me like the plague, when I know he is responsible, I walk outside to face him. I stand there in the darkness I have grown so comfortable being in and I challenge him, I dare and defy him to come and take what he wants.
I have even preformed certain incantations in hopes to bring him into our realm and put and end to this otherworldly game of cat and mouse, but still he remains.
Waiting, watching for what I haven't a clue, all I know is his name, and I dare not speak it.


Sometimes I wonder if he is my Nemesis, the appropriate agent manifested to deliver a righteous infliction upon me in order to balance out the scales.
Sometimes I think he is just some ectoplasmic asshole who simply enjoys human misery.
Sometimes I think he is simply awaiting my death, in order to take whatever it is he may want from me.
Sometimes I wish I could talk to others about this torment, in hopes that I would be found insane, hence causing the delusion to fade.
This creature has cost me dearly, I want closure, I crave catharsis, but like him all I can do is wait.