Some of the things that make me aware that I am completely out of my mind.

1. Not only do I talk to myself, I argue with myself.



2. Whenever someone is snide or flippant to me, I immediately begin to think up the wittiest retort possible that I could utter just before I stab them.
Usually by the time I think of it, they have been gone for several minutes.



3. Over the years, I have adopted a galaxy of different inflections and intonations from a vast number of persona's and figures that I have found intriguing at one time or another, ensuring that whenever most people talk to me, they will be engaged by anyone except the real person within me.
Very few people know who or what I really am.


4. Some people suffer from something I have come to refer to as "I hate your stupid face" syndrome. This is when I meet someone, who could be perfectly pleasant and friendly and even worth talking to, but something about their face makes me despise them. They could be handing me a winning lottery ticket and showing me a statue of me that they carved out of gold and all I would be able to think is
"god I hate you and your stupid fucking face!".


5. I am paranoid, emotionally messed up and melodramatic, making life incredibly "fun" for my significant other.  Sure, she is the one person that I completely let my guard down for, the only one that I trust implicitly, the only person that I am completely open and honest to, for better or worse, she knows me as I truly am.
Sure I love her intensely and would shout it from every hilltop I could find if I didn't know that she would absolutely hate that.
But the intensity of my affections come with just as much bad, I do and say things that make me often look and feel foolish and adolescent.
I have no problem being cold and reserved towards the rest of the world, yet when it comes to her, I am exposed like a raw nerve and am unable to behave like a sane person it seems. She can build me up to the clouds or knock me deep into the earth with a single word, I would fight for her, kill for her and I would die for her without a batted eye or a single regret.
My inability to keep my emotions in check often reminds me of Dr. Jekyll, feverishly trying to restrain the monstrous madman within himself to no avail.
I take everything too personally and I jump to conclusions at any sign my loony little mind can find, making me into a sort of  "emotional terrorist" at times.
This quality really does work against me every time it comes about.


6. I need to analyze and dissect almost everything, and then pontificate upon it as if I were some tenured professor of deep thought.
This is why almost everything seems stupid, evil and/or lame to me, a kite is hard to fly if you just keep poking holes in it.


7. When left to my own devices, I am essentially a feral fucking animal who doesn't know how to behave in the human realm.
I don't cover up how I feel, I express myself clearly, I never hide my aggression in passivity, I really do think that we should go back to the system of making the guy in charge be the one who can beat the crap out of everybody else and in my intellectual mind, I know that's nuts, but still it seems right to me.


I guess that's enough for now, to be continued  on another day when I am fed up with my own insanity, enjoy the day folks.